E3 2014 Rareniverse coverage

Not much happening this year. Donkey Kong appears as a cool new figure for Nintendo's new Amiibo feature, and Diddy will undoubtedly follow. New playable characters in Super Smash Bros. are Palutena, Pac-Man and every Mii imaginable. Once again, K. Rool has been snubbed, but I'm afraid there'll be no way to predict if he really is not in the game until it actually releases. At least there's the Kremlings. Schrale troost.

Don't worry, K. Rool. I'm not in Smash Bros. either.

...Wait.

And of course, best of all -- Conker's back.

Definitely the highlight of Microsoft's otherwise pretty dull conference, the game's called Project Spark, where you basically create your own worlds, levels, games -- and he's a playable character. It's not a Bad Fur Day 2 (thank LOG!) but he's a DLC, and he looks amazing. The rest of the game, even without him, looks like a lot of fun as well. He sounds like Conker as well.
Sources are being vague, but right now it's not sure if Chris Seavor voiced him or not. Additionally, some sources thought for a moment that it was my dear boyfriend Bryant instead, and it honestly wouldn't have surprised me. Bry does a pretty damn accurate Conker impression. We were both in a Skype call, watching Microsoft's conference and not having much faith in it, together with another friend of ours when he came on screen. The reactions, all of our reactions, it was amazing. I wish I had recorded it.

Donkey Kong is on the go, and brought some friends along!

I don't have much to say about this other than the fact it's the best thing I've seen all day, all week. A sharp contrast to a disappointing recent episode of my favourite modern cartoon.

Things that I found interesting and awesome to note;

• DIXIE KONG! She actually returns and is playable, for the first time in about five years.
• DK Isle appears to be overrun with Vikings based on arctic animals. Vikings are technically pirates, so maybe they are indeed kind of going for a theme similar to Donkey Kong Country 2: Diddy's Kong Quest? (This could also mean K. Rool might appear as well!)
• The gorgeous graphics. Seriously, the graphics. I affectionately called Donkey Kong Country Returns 'Scenery Porn; The Game', and I might just as well call this one 'Scenery Porn; The Game; The Sequel'.
• The archetypes. They seem to deriver slightly from the archetypes of the original DKC 2, which is of course a good thing.

The game is called Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze and will appear on the Wii U. ...I suddenly realized I need a Wii U now, more than everything.

Also useful to note - the next installment in the Smash Bros. franchise has finally been announced, and our beloved Donkey Kong has already managed to gather enough popularity to appear on the official site - and on a buttload of Tumblr pages.

I honestly can't really blame anyone.

(Also, I classified the Donkey Kong games in categories in the same vein people classify animated movies. The Silent Age of DK will be used to refer to the Arcade games. The Golden Age of DK will refer to Donkey Kong Country and its sequels, as well as Donkey Kong 64. The Dark Age of DK will refer to what happened to DK post-buyout, while the Renaissance Age of DK refers to Retro's recent and immensely awesome involvement with the big guy. Let's hope it lasts!)