Ridiculous Mario and DK Bootlegs pt. 1

The year is 2020.

Life is crap. I'm sure that needs no explanation. Things have changed considerably, but I still find a lot of solace in video games. If anything, my urge to think about these games and the media that spun from them encourages me to post new things. Now, blogging is... kind of old-fashioned. If I had any self-confidence I would have made video essays but I'm shy. Without further ado, here is a post I was writing on a year or so ago...

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It's been a while, huh? Well, I want to move the focus from exclusively Donkey Kong and Rare games to also engrossing Mario from time to time. Though I still consider Mario as a whole to be absolutely distinct from DK, I insist Mario is a Donkey Kong character. Remember the first game he appeared in? Exactly.

On to the topic; bootlegs! I absolutely love bootlegs in a somewhat schadenfreude kind of way. Sometimes they're also the only way to get a character in toy form. It seems bootleggers know this... even in recent times, games such as Five Nights at Freddy's and Undertale have received baffling amounts of bootleg merchandise. The former has a ton of official stuff available while the latter does not, so it doesn't seem to influence the volume of bootleg merchandise created as long as something is popular enough.

I decided to make a list of bootleg merchandise I find super interesting, funny, or just cool. In the end, you're best off supporting the official creators, but when there's characters that don't get any official merch, it is a nice alternative in a pinch...

1. The Baby Waluigi plush

Nintendo's Mario department is known for spamming babies, in a manner akin to a queen ant who continously produces offspring. As with ants, whether they're cool or not is up for debate. It is however odd when something appears that literally has no base in canon.

Baby Waluigi being one of these. Despite the main amount of Nintendo characters having baby versions of themselves, no matter if it is awkward in terms of canon (looking at you, baby Rosalina --  baby DK as well, but he is forgiven on the grounds that he's, well, DK) because the target audience loves small cute things. Wario did get a baby version of himself in Yoshi's Island DS, but has faded into obscurity. (2020 update: Baby Wario has made a triumphant return in the mobile Dr. Mario game. Yay?)

The mere notion that baby Waluigi exists at all might be to blame on fan art, considering he appears alongside the canon babies a lot and people just enjoy the idea of the entire cast having baby equivalents.

Overall, the plush doesn't look too bad, and certainly fits very well among the other, official plushes. It's a neat, but also weird little thing. Nice to know that bootleggers appreciate Waluigi, though.

2. The "San-ei" Dixie Kong plush

Dixie Kong has received a modest amount of plushies in her likeness over the years, most of which based on Donkey Kong Country 2; Diddy's Kong Quest and the animated series. However, she seemed woefully absent in the otherwise very good line of San-ei Mario plush toys.

Leave it to bootleggers! This plush isn't very bad at all, although she has a bad case of felt lips. It kind of ruins the overall plush for me. Her shirt is made of a flimsy material and the tongue looks glued on. I know this because I've seen this exact toy once at Comic Con. Apart from that, this is probably the only plush of Dixie in her modern design (note the bigger earrings and lack of kneepads, a post-Rare-buyout design choice.)

Now that Dixie received a starring role in Donkey Kong Country; Tropical Freeze, we have thus seen one official figure in the World of Nintendo line, along with various DK, Diddys, and a Cranky. I was hoping for at least one Snowmad and a Funky Kong, but the brand seems to be more interested in pumping out repaints of existing molds... and shipping out weed to hapless customers.Yeah.

The Donkey Kong theory

Sure, another theory. Except this one is one of my favourites.

So anyway. We all know the amazing Donkey Kong Country games and the... less-than-amazing Donkey Kong Country animated series. I loved the TV show a while back, around three or four years ago. But now, I'm re-watching it in amusing annotated form and now that I look back at it, I find it being less than impressive. Not because of the differences from the game, but rather because the characters sometimes get on my nerves. But this is not about that. This is about the theory that I imaginatively call 'The Donkey Kong Theory'.

The theory itself is as follows; The Donkey Kong Country TV show is a prequel to the games.

Why would I have such a bone-headed idea? Cranky would probably call me a big baboon (he calls everyone a big baboon) and I wouldn't blame him. Some things would make sense, though. For example, take Cranky, only because he's playable in Tropical Freeze (which is great) and also because he'll call me a big baboon if I don't tell about him first (which is not great.)

 

Honestly, Cranky's show design is quite faithful to his original design. The only thing that differs is his beard, which is shorter in the cartoon. Of course this is because back then, emulating hair with CGI was considered the most impossible thing that ever was impossible, but from a theory viewpoint, it would make sense -- it didn't have the time to grow to the length it is currently! As for his tendency to break the fourth wall in the games, we'll get to that later.

Donkey Kong is on the go, and brought some friends along!

I don't have much to say about this other than the fact it's the best thing I've seen all day, all week. A sharp contrast to a disappointing recent episode of my favourite modern cartoon.

Things that I found interesting and awesome to note;

• DIXIE KONG! She actually returns and is playable, for the first time in about five years.
• DK Isle appears to be overrun with Vikings based on arctic animals. Vikings are technically pirates, so maybe they are indeed kind of going for a theme similar to Donkey Kong Country 2: Diddy's Kong Quest? (This could also mean K. Rool might appear as well!)
• The gorgeous graphics. Seriously, the graphics. I affectionately called Donkey Kong Country Returns 'Scenery Porn; The Game', and I might just as well call this one 'Scenery Porn; The Game; The Sequel'.
• The archetypes. They seem to deriver slightly from the archetypes of the original DKC 2, which is of course a good thing.

The game is called Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze and will appear on the Wii U. ...I suddenly realized I need a Wii U now, more than everything.

Also useful to note - the next installment in the Smash Bros. franchise has finally been announced, and our beloved Donkey Kong has already managed to gather enough popularity to appear on the official site - and on a buttload of Tumblr pages.

I honestly can't really blame anyone.

(Also, I classified the Donkey Kong games in categories in the same vein people classify animated movies. The Silent Age of DK will be used to refer to the Arcade games. The Golden Age of DK will refer to Donkey Kong Country and its sequels, as well as Donkey Kong 64. The Dark Age of DK will refer to what happened to DK post-buyout, while the Renaissance Age of DK refers to Retro's recent and immensely awesome involvement with the big guy. Let's hope it lasts!)

Random thoughts - Klump's Lumps

Don't waste your time

looking at a sorry sight like me

A quivering pile of mush, that's me

All my years of service and devotion to the King

I'm a quivering, snivelling, non-existent thing

I know I've failed

I know my ship has sailed

Stripped of my rank

I know my ship has sank

And I haven't got a friend in the world...

I'm a quivering, snivelling, blubberin', nameless non-existent pile of nothing, worthless, soggy pile of mush

And I haven't got a friend in the world, no

I haven't got a friend in the world...

This wonderful episode of the Donkey Kong Country TV show stood out to me because it was so emotional and stayed like this 'til the end -- some silly scenes with Krusha and K. Rool aside -- which was pretty unusual for a cartoon like this. I mean, Klump. Dude's job was his life, and then he gets kicked out with nowhere to go. Dixie Kong is the first (and only) Kong who befriends him. Never mind that he's a bad guy. It was this episode that made me love Klump. Precious thing... I cannot fathom how anyone couldn't have at least a bit of sympathy towards him after this episode.


Emotional things in kids' cartoons like this are usually only found in fan fiction these days, and I find this downright saddening.

(Note: if the formatting looks weird, it's because I was going to post it on Tumblr at first. I decided not to. Also, I passed 10000k pageviews. You guys rock, thank you. :) I'm gonna be working on a little tribute image soon! ...And something special. It concerns the cartoon and music. You'll see! ...And sorry for the shortness of this post. More stuff coming soon.

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Wow. Did I seriously type 10000k? I think I was tired when I wrote this... I obviously meant 10000.)