Sunday, 27 January 2013

3 characters crueler than K. Rool

We all know the Donkey Kong Country cartoon. If you have been following this blog for a while, I'm sure you do. And most people don't like it as much, but I am convinced it is as good as the games, just in a totally different way. To accentuate my point, I feel the need to point out I went out of my way to download the entire series to my PC for the sole reason of making shallow parodies of it.

Well then, all silliness aside, let's start this thing off.

In DK lore, there have been three true villains - namely King K. Rool (under different aliases), Ghastly King, and Tiki Tong.

K. Rool was just some asshole who decided to troll DK by stealing the banana hoard, Ghastly King was an evil monkey from SPACE that wanted to rule over the Fruit Kingdoms for no real reason and Tiki Tong stole the banana hoard to keep his race alive and possibly take over the world. Fair share of hindrances, right? It is nothing compared to the vast amount of baddies Mario fought in the past, but this is mostly to blame on the fact that Nintendo obviously favours Mario over Donkey Kong. Which is saddening, because they debuted in the same game.

Anyway, K. Rool and co. were typical antagonists, setting up the games' plot. But what about those other characters who had done unspeakable things people presumably forgot all about because they weren't the main villains?

(note that this article is meant to not be taken entirely seriously and is here for humorous purposes only.)

3. Bluster Kong

Bluster Kong is one of the show-only characters, and nearly everybody who doesn't appreciate the show blames their dislike of it on Bluster. I honestly don't blame them - while this specific Kong provides a lot of humorous scenes and dialogue and I don't mind him, he takes up a lot of space, having three episodes with him in the limelight.

"Don't blame me! That miserable Donkey Kong was already hogging the spotlight in the games!"

He's a pathetic mommy's boy, constantly whining about his mother and whenever he has to do manual labor, all hell breaks loose. Figuratively, of course. Bluster can't really... do anything. He's not strong, he can't jump high, and he certainly isn't a hell of a guy. He also has a grudge towards Donkey Kong, for the sole reason that DK is constantly hitting on Candy, the only adult female ape in the cartoon who isn't Bluster's mom or Great Aunt Grouchy. Bluster is not happy with this because he too has an eye on Candy, to the point where he gets a bit desperate in some episodes, like in A Thin Line Between Love and Ape, where he makes a love potion to make her love him.


The episode Bad Hair Day, AKA the only episode most people know of, had him being introduced as another all-around jerk. Fair enough. But eventually, Donkey Kong loses his hair (and his muscles) and Cranky makes a potion to make it grow back. Candy and Bluster set out to find DK. Eventually, in the jungle, Bluster complains that "I can't walk anymore! My feet are sore, I've got sand in my shoes, and I'm thirsty!" leading to him snatching the potion from Candy. He empties the bottle on the ground.

Friday, 18 January 2013

Whose show is it anyway

And now, it's time for something completely different.

Sorry for not posting much here. School has been eating me alive. That, and I've found out about the Regular Show and for some reason this cartoon has captivated me. (I might or might not have a crush on Mordecai now and I have no clue why.) But do not worry, this doesn't mean BeJungle'd will turn into, uh... something centered around that. Although the show is awesome, trying to think of logic behind it is a lost cause. And I'll always love Donkey Kong Country.

I have been writing on this article for a few months now, so some thoughts might be outdated.

The Donkey Kong animated series (there I go again) isn't too well-received on the internet, for shame. Though I hear much people saying it isn't good, I personally find it quite clever, and much more fun to watch than most recent cartoons (sans the Regular Show, of course, which is clever. Other clever cartoons are Adventure Time and uh... more stuff.) Ahem. Moving on...

What would a Donkey Kong cartoon be like if I was in charge?

In no way an insult to Nelvana's work, by the way. They've done amazing work. I just wondered how it would be if I was allowed to write it.

Warning; we are now moving into highly unstable Loads and Loads of Characters territory. Approach with caution.

1. The Kong Clan

Primary main characters would be Donkey Kong, Diddy, and Dixie. These three are just what makes DKC to me.

Keep Diddy's personality from the show with a bit of added 'tough kid' attitude, make DK a bit tougher and make Dixie more cheeky, like a female equivalent of Diddy. I'm not certain about the voices, but I am certain that Andrew Sabiston should return as Diddy Kong 'cause I find his Diddy to be the best Diddy portrayal so far.

Watch out, Dix! I'mma pop ur bubblegum!

The secondary cast would consist of Kiddy (taking the role of Baby Kong), Tiny (in either her original design or the newer, I don't know. Maybe the original because I'm tired of seeing her recent design being portrayed as fetish fuel all the time.), Funky, and Cranky. Tertiary characters would be Candy, Swanky, Chunky, and Lanky.
Less about DK gushing over Candy and more interaction with his family. Add fluff. Lots of fluff.
Quartiary characters? Hell, Bluster can return too.

Not much to it. Let's move onto my personal favourites...

2. The Kremling Krew

Properly labelled as such this time, the Kremling Krew still consists of Klump and Krusha with K. Rool as the leader. Though this time they're accompanied by Kalypso, the fair lady lizard with the awesome pink hairdo and Kludge, that big, hulking blue dude that apparently has the mindset of a small child (even moreso than Krusha). Sometimes Kritters, Kip and Kass, Kopter, and some others tag along as well. Kruncha is Krusha's slightly flamboyant cousin, and Krusha may or may not undergo a name change thanks to copyrights. For the sake of simplicity I will just refer to him as Krusha.

K'Rool's gang of evul dudes (and two dudettes) continue to wreak havoc on DK Isle for no reason. Well, except to steal the Crystal Coconut. Again? Yup. And the banana hoard. But here's the catch; they want the coconut 'cause it's the only thing that can tell the true location of the bananas, which are much-renowned golden bananas! Heh. I'm a friggin' genius. /brag