Wednesday, 20 November 2013

Assorted over-analyzations of the piñata kind (AKA headcanons)

Whoa, it's been ages since I've been here. This blog is my personal ranting space, as long as it's relevant to Donkey Kong or the surrounding games somehow. Where have I been? To the distant and the dangerous, thinking that I am a pathetic fool. Also, watching a lot of Viva Piñata, whining about the fact that I'm broke and there's so many cool things I want to buy, and chatting with my friends.
Oh, and wallowing in self-pity for some reason. Also drawing things and working on stuff I'm actually supposed to be working on, like homework. And my original story, which I'm certain I'm gonna publish someday. I hope, at least. As well as--... nah, that's a story for another time!

Well then, I have obviously neglected this blog for too long and will now attempt to make up for it by sharing some more of my far-fetched headcanons and theories that border on the weird and the whimsical and happen to concern Viva Piñata some way or another. When this is published, though, I have found out that my frantic obsessing over piñatas has quieted down a little. So this is probably the last post in a loooong while. Bear with me.

1. The Big Boss and LOG are one and the same.

Also pictured; Langston Lickatoad, who is awesome. He also basically makes both the Viva Piñata show and the games canon.

This might need some clarification, since both characters are rather recent.

The Lord of Games, LOG for intimi, is a floating screen wearing a cape. He is introduced in Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts & Bolts (which, despite so many fans crying about their childhoods, is actually a favourite of mine) as basically the god of the Banjo-Kazooie world. And just about every other game. (Headcanon in headcanon: he's making it up and he's only in charge for Rare games.)
The Big Boss, on the other hand, is a character in the Viva Piñata cartoon, who appears only as a speaker in a fruit-bowl. You thought King Roario was in charge? Nope! The Big Boss seems to be in charge of all Piñata Island and is the boss of Langston, which makes Langston merely a middle-manager with a net. He's still cool though.

Now see what theory I have here; you might have noticed that all piñatas (except for a bunch of Horstachios in a single episode) are brightly coloured, a trait only posessed by resident piñatas. The place where the characters in the cartoon all reside in is referred to as the Garden. Though they have their own gardens within this garden, the Garden is most probably owned by someone, someone who spent so many hours, days, weeks, years to build up this monstrosity of a garden (seriously, if you compare it to your humble patch of ground in the games, it's freakin' enormous.) And since it's so big, the piñatas have eventually built up their own society within it. And this someone who made it in the first place just so happens to be the Big Boss.

Here's the stinger. The Big Boss? He's actually LOG.

LOG, in his debut appearance, does eventually say that he's appeared in more than only Showdown Town and Spiral Mountain. He mentions being good at disguising himself. Other theories I have heard is that he is also the Programmer from Conker's Bad Fur Day... and less notoriously, the voice that goes 'DONKEY KONG' in Donkey Kong 64 whenever you get a Golden Banana. ...That last one is less convincing than the former.

2. Professor Pester's mask is actually his head

Professor Pester is the villain in the Viva Piñata franchise, always accompanied by his henchmen known as the Ruffians. Pester and his brethen are notorious for being the only human characters in the games that also appeared in the cartoon (not counting Leafos and Seedos in the intro, of course.) In the games he's a fearsome villainous evildoer who likes nothing better than knitting pretty scarves for all your piñatas. ...Actually, no. He bludgeons your most prized piñata to bits, given the chance. Of course he does.

But in the cartoon, he's a bumbling bad guy who's more amusing rather than annoying, has a thing for alliteration and catchphrases ("VICTORY IS/WILL BE MINE!") and, in classic Rare tradition, fashionably breaks the fourth wall regularly. Though it is hinted that he kept his dastardly attitude of trying to steal piñata candy, whenever he tries to do something of the sort, it never quite works out, and he is sent flying with his signature cry of 'I HAVE NO REGRETS!'

But there's something in the cartoon that gave me the biggest, dumbest smile on my face when I spotted it, merely because I'm a complete and utter geek for references and cameos, something Rare was always really good at.

Presumably also in the media that spun off to other platforms. Yes, those are indeed portraits of the Panther King from Conker's Bad Fur Day and Gruntilda from Banjo-Kazooie. Baron von Ghoul from Grabbed By The Ghoulies also makes an appearance as a portrait, ever-so-subtle Banjo pyjamas and all. Apart from being most awesome little references (it's probably the most you're ever going to see of Banjo-Kazooie on television... unless you played the game on your N64, of course), it made me think that most of the Rareniverse villains in their little island chain have had some sort of villainous get-together in the past.

Also, let's talk about Mumbo Jumbo, also from Banjo-Kazooie. It'll be relevant, I promise.

Backstory in the instruction booklet of all things (I'm one of those kids who still got 'em) dictates that Mumbo used to be the teacher of Grunty, that is, until she resorted to dark magic and turned bad to her former mentor, disfiguring his head. There were two ideas, one being that he wears the mask to conceal his features, the other that the mask is his head. Rare seemed to have gone with the second by the time of Banjo-Tooie.

Anyway, yes, now we are aware of this little bit of trivia, let's go back to Pester, Grunty, and the imaginative villain hootenanny they went and had with everyone else. (Except for King K. Rool, not because they hate him, but because he's not Rare's anymore and is now fully owned by Nintendo. GET IT STRAIGHT, PEOPLE.) Now, I have two theories of how the spell happened. Numbero uno;
Pester: "What in the world do you think you're doing, you cranky crone? Stealing a little kid's beauty when you could go after candy instead?"
Grunty: "Questioning my ways, what the bloody hell? I'd like to see you dodge my spell!"
Yes, an argument. The other was that Grunty accidentally cursed him, which seems more likely since that portrait of hers is hanging in his lair, and I definitely wouldn't keep around memorabilia referring to someone I had an argument with. Anyway, what happened was that spell hit, regardless of how it was meant. This ended up cursing Pester, to which the mask he wore became his head, much like what happened with Mumbo.

I can't be bothered to tie it all in with ol' Pester's backstory in the games right now...

3. Paulie's phobia is based on an experience from a former life of his.

This one makes the least sense out of all of them and is probably only funny in some comic or something, but whatever. It says over-analyzations, and if people can get away with this kinda crap when it's about My Little Pony, then so can I. Try to stop me!
So, in Conker's Bad Fur Day, there's this mafia-like bunch of weasels, led by Don Weaso, who strongly believes in mutual respect and feels a lot for returning any kind of 'respect' that has been done to him, in a very... non-subtle manner.

One of those weasels is named Paulie... who gets brutally clobbered to death with a baseball bat a mere few moments after we are introduced to him.

Now, here's the thing. My stupid little headcanon dictates that he, miraculously enough, gets reincarnated as a certain Pretztail whom we know by the same name, and somehow, with the death of his past life still imprinted in his mind. And that's why he's afraid of going to parties. He's better at hiding it than Fergy is, but it's still there. Since the earlier-mentioned portrait of the Panther King appeared in the Viva Piñata TV show, it is fair to assume both media take place in the same universe.

Baseball bats.

With that, this dumb little article has come to an end. Treasure it, 'cause it's probably gonna take a while 'til I post anything else.

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