Monday, 3 January 2011

In the future

We all know and love DK, Conker, Banjo, etc, etc... but I've been thinking lately - how would they look and act like ten years from now? Conker as a family-guy in a midlife crisis, Diddy and Dixie happily engaged, Banjo and Kazooie having kids - wait, let's not go there.

Considering what Conker did to Bloopy, the young raptor that he had hatched back in Bad Fur Day - the poor fella even called him mommy... and if my ears don't deceive me, I do believe he said something that sounded like 'Luigi' too. It's mama Luigi all over again... 'cept with Conker.. but anyway, so I can't see him as a mom. Er, dad. And Berri spends most of her days jumping around listening to music and being a porn star. Can't see her as a suitable mother either.
Conker would be such a bad poppa. (not to mention his and Berri's child would look freakish.)

Like I said, Conker and Berri would be two bad parents if I ever saw them. But for some reason or another, them somehow getting a kid is likely. Well, you know Conker likes getting drunk, right? And he's a king, right? So, one faithful night, he was drunk, forgot using protection while he and Berri were, ahem, having fun (let's pretend he brought her back after a talk with Gregg after Bad Fur Day), thus he knocked Berri up, if you catch my drift. She doesn't believe in abortion, and a chipmunksquirrelkid is born. Poor kid would never know it was an accident. Likewise, it's the heir to the throne, and the red squirrel bloodline is kept up. Moving on...

DK is a loner. Even though Candy Kong seems to have grown a liking towards the gorilla in various games, he never pays much interest towards her. (I barely remember watching the DKC television series, so I dunno about her role in that. Either way, I remember having fond memories of it from my childhood, so I may as well search it up one day. Even though I heard they made Dixie a weird combination between herself and Tiny, is that true...) While he may occasionally visit her, his one true love will always be his banana hoard. Er, he just doesn't look like a romantic type to me, okay?

I always seem to think that Diddy and Dixie later don't marry, just live together, still calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend well in their twenties. Pretty cute, no?

And yet, he still doesn't wear pants.

Can't see them having kids, though. But if they did, they'd probably have twins, who'd grow up just as adventurous as their mom and da in their heyday.

Having said that, that brings us to Banjo and Kazooie. Now, those two are very close friends, but I can't see them marrying each other/having kids/etc because their species are just too far out there. Sorry, Banjo. Sorry, Kazooie.

Now don't give me that look. I've saved you a trauma.
Banjo would probably go out beyond Spiral Mountain to find an attractive female bear and Kazooie's going to find her one true love in the form of a male Breegull. If they're not extinct by now, at least.

Er, that's just my two cents about some of these characters growing up. I had fun writing this article and drawing the images, and that's all that matters, right?


I drew all images myself. Banjo-Kazooie, Conker's Bad Fur Day, and related items are copyrighted to Rare ltd., Donkey Kong and associated characters belong to Nintendo.

1 comment:

  1. I like the Conker Berri one, mostly I think it would be fun if they had a kid, mostly because of the accident thing. I agree on the Banjo Kazooie thing. I have seen artwork of their possible offspring. Although in the scenario you presented, I wonder how Banjo's son/daughter would interact with Kazooie's son/daughter?